December 17, 2007 - 11:42 am
Being in London, Ontario isn't a vacation. It felt like I was suspended in angsty teenage-dom for the duration of our visit. I'm always on edge, always trying to please, and always on the defensive. Everyone, including me, is all about pleasing my dad. It's weird. 20 minutes after I was in the door, my mom pulled me aside and told me not to do anything to upset my dad because last time I was over, my dad was all upset for weeks after I left. He takes his anger out on my mom, so I tried to play the good daughter. But it's hard since no one ever knows what will end up upsetting him*.
Besides trying not to get my dad angry, I'm always trying to prove myself. My parents don't see what I do as valuable and I'm always trying to pump myself up and prove myself. "Hey, look at me! I get paid to write! I have my own successful business! Look, I have a great marriage! I'm a great cook! See how happy I am?" Gah, it makes me sick. I don't have a traditional career, like Dentist, Lawyer, Accountant so I'm not seen as valuable. Leave the valuable to my brother. Whatever he does turns to gold. He can do no wrong. He's an Accountant. He sings Johnny Cash songs and plays guitar to entertain the family after dinner. He lives 2 km from my parent's house and calls home every day. He is the fabulous Golden Boy.
As for my mom, she was doing much better than she had been. She was eating, although not very much. I think she must be in some kind of chemo brain fog...she always seemed at a loss for words and her memory wasn't all that great. She starts another week of intense chemo/radiation again on December 24th.
Luckily, we rented a car at the airport in Toronto. This allowed us so much freedom....riding the roads in our violet PT Loser. We thrifted constantly and found lots of great stuff. If only we drove to London, we would have scored so much awesome stuff. Southwestern Ontario is a thrifting paradise! We also checked out the Mennonite town of Alymer and found thrifting gold and a great farmer's market and flea market. There was lots of snow so everything was pretty and festive...but super cold. When it comes to coldness, Cornelius and I are totally wussies. We luckily made it home Saturday night just before the big snow storm hit Toronto. Our flight was delayed 1 hour because of the weather but only a few hours afterwards, it seemed most flights were cancelled. Lucky us!
*Last visit, the thing that sparked my dad's anger was that I had suggested that I would pay for a housekeeper to come in once a month or so to do the cleaning since my mom can't use her right arm any more and my dad has a bad back. Who knew that would cause such craziness.