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September 18, 2002 - 4:47 pm

okay. so this is my life: it's up. it's down. it's downright crazy!!

first the up: i'm in love. whoopee!

then the down: one of my closest friends does not like the boy i have chosen. i can see her reservations. he's not particularily a likely candiate for love and romance, but i've seen beyond and i've never felt happier. my friend on the other hand, can only see the unlikely pairing. and i knew that is how she would feel and i knew she would avoid telling me how she felt. and she did (as she is not one for confrontations, even of the most friendly sort). but i do not like being avoided and showed up on her doorstep with beer as an offer of goodwill. after some awkward small talk, i got her to tell me what was up. she was concerned for me but for reasons that i don't really think are the roots of my problems. i guess she thought i was picking this boy cuz he was around. not true. i have lots of boys to pick and i generally feel that there will always be lots of boys to pick. i am not suffering from boy company (as you all probably are aware of). nor am i settling into some temporary pain relief. sure i am having hard times. being unemployed and underfed sucks. but i have always been independent and it just struck me funny as my friend not seeing that. anyway, i am glad i stopped by yesterday as we did have a good talk and a good cry and she did send me the nicest email today. she still has her reservations, but who wouldn't? it's concern, it's friendship, it's strange.

phew!! now onwards good feelings ho!!

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