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November 18, 2001 - 8:39 a.m.

yesterday i had a revelation of sorts. ryan doesn't want to be my friend. he says that he wants to be friends, yet he cannot handle the fact that sometimes i am upset and start to cry. he says i get too wiggy and freaked out and that makes me not fun to hang out with so that is why he hasn't called me or contacted me since i've moved. i cannot be friends with someone who only wants the happy me. if he really was a true friend he'd be there for the good and bad times. i can't help it if he feels guilty about handling the break-up situation badly. i have lots of good friends who are there to hold my hand, make me laugh and if necessary, will let me cry on their shoulder. i don't need a fairweather friend like ryan. he meant so much to me and i thought that he'd care for me regardless, but i was wrong. he can only think of himself. i know that he is a good person, he just needs to grow up. and when he wants to have a friendship, i will be there. but there will be no more waiting by the phone. no more!

after stumbling around hungover for most of the day yesterday, i felt good enough in the evening to catch ghostworld for the second time. ohhhh!! what a great film! i went with kyla and randy and we sat in the balcony and ate junior mints. it was a lovely evening. there was a meteor storm around 2 am but i looked out my window and couldn't see anything. damn those city lights.

this morning kristen will come over for breakfast and will help me make my livingroom curtains. and if we feel up for it, we'll head out to the record fair across town. i can tell it's gonna be a good day.

record i most hope to find: emmitt rhodes, mirror

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