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February 19, 2004 - 10:34 pm

i cried today. i don't really know why i did as nothing bad happened. maybe i just haven't cried in a while and i was just getting my dues. i dunno. work was weird. my coworker kept talking about "following christ's example" and from that point everything became very tiring. i came home and c and i walked to the community gardens by our house to dump out our compost bucket and there was an entire bin filled with rotting watermelons which was actually kinda funny. i wish we would have brought our camera. but when we returned home i felt very tired and didn't want to head out again for dinner. c convinced me that hopping on our bikes into chinatown would be just what i needed. it wasn't. i was a bit grumpy and i didn't like what i ordered at our favorite vietnamese restaurant. when we got home, i cried.

i guess i'm frustrated that i can see all of my friends moving on -- getting married, going to school, that kind of stuff. and i feel like i'm stagnating. c is broke and it's limiting. we can't do much because he can't afford to go away on vacation or eat out somewhere nice or whatever. i'm glad he just got a new job, but it will take time for him to get hours. i know that we will move forward but it will take time and i'm being selfish and i want things now. so i cried. i talked with c about how i felt and it was good to get stuff off of my chest. i guess i'm also still nervous as i haven't received a call from my doctor yet. i guess i'll know tommorrow. bah. welcome to my pity party.

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