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September 28, 2003 - 3:40 pm

our trip was amazing and i won't bore you with all the fantastic details or what my favorite cities were (well, at least not now). now that i'm back home i'm starting to feel the pressure of life. back to reality, so to speak. time to start acting like the grown-up i should have been long ago. i've been making some resolutions with c and it feels good to have some plans and ideas on such gaytard topics as "personal growth and development" and "being a better person". yup, coming back to home has sparked some personal resolutions that actually seem like exciting challenges.

my easiest resolution is that i decided not to get cable tv for the fall, like i had orginally planned. the summer was great without tv and the winter will be too. i plan on being more productive and doing more art projects and looking for better jobs and paying off debts. all so much easier without the distraction of television which (i discovered in countless motel rooms), isn't so great after all. this all leads to the more important resolution: getting healthier. for me, this means eating better, getting more excercise and losing all the weight i've gained in the past couple of years. when we were at my parents house, me and c poured over countless photo albums and slide projection shows and i was amazed at how thin i was as a child and teenager. you see, my parents (my dad especially) would constantly tell me growing up that i was a fat pig and huge and fat fat fat. naturally, hearing this since grade 3, i always believed them. but after seeing photos of a skinny young girl and a thin teenager i was totally shocked and could not believe the girl in those photos were actually me. i remember once in university my dad calling me fat and my brother yelling back at my dad saying i was nothing of the sort and though it felt nice to hear i still didn't believe it. but that was then and this is now. and now i just want to feel better about what i put into my body which means trying to stay away from processed foods and trying not to drink soda pop. i love cooking and i plan to do more of it. i want to make sure that i make a lunch for work rather than skipping lunch altogether or grabbing fast food on the run. i just want to be more in control of where i am going and how i am feeling. resolutions are hard but i have c behind me and he too wants to be healthier and he has his own resolutions and i think together it can be much easier than going through all of this alone.

not a bad discovery after a three week holiday.

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