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August 27, 2003 - 10:47 am

how does one count for an anniversary? i mean wedding dates and actual events withstanding. huh? someone tell me! one year ago today cornelius and i kissed for the very first time. does that make it an anniversary? or is it when we fell in love with each other? or what? i have no real point of reference here. it's true i don't really care about dates and things but i like to think that one year of being together is a lovely little side note.

i've known cornelius for years. we volunteered at the bl!!c -- him on tuesdays and me on wednesdays. previous to that, i worked at a record store downtown and he worked at the record store right next door. i think we were always destined to be close. when he was in school for computers and i was at a different school for new media we began to stike up a close friendship. soon he began having feelings for me that at the time, i just couldn't return. i was just too happy flitting and flirting from young boy to even younger boy. so i'm sure i put him through torture and he even had visions of kidnapping me to california if that's what it took. (i'm sure some of you can remember all these strange times from my diary). yet we remained great friends. until one day i decided to really see what it would be like to kiss him and when i did, i was surprised that he was such a great kisser. i remember making up "pro" and "con" lists for getting involved with such a good friend -- besides being skinny and tall, he wasn't really my type. but it soon became clear that our relationship wasn't just about getting busy and making out. it was about the love.

getting back to the quandry of dates, can there really be such a marker when it comes to relationships? does a kiss count? or a first date? or the moment you realize you are in love? or the first time you say it out loud? i can definitley say that our first kiss became the turning point in our relationship but that kiss caused me such worry too. it freaked me out and although the kiss felt good it made me feel like i was doing something bad. i felt like i had played with too many boys emotions that year. i had broken 3 boys hearts within the course of a few months and i really didn't want to hurt my best friend too. it was definitely a strange time. elation mixed with dread. i didn't want to make the wrong choice. i didn't want to lose a friend just by acting selfish and doing what felt good at the time. thankfully, i did make the right choice and it really was the best decision that i have ever made. cornelius means the world to me and our feelings towards each other are still as strong as they ever have been. i feel great about love!

i guess i can say that we've been together for a year. of course i can! whooo!!

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