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August 26, 2003 - 9:51 am

i woke up bright and early hoping that the freelance work would be in my email inbox. it wasn't. i know it will come tommorrow while i'm working and i'll have twice as much work to do. boring graphic design in the day and then web design at night. its funny, because i have such a free schedule -- i pretty much work only thursday and fridays and have the rest of the week to work freelance and when work comes it seems to happen around my most inflexible days. [duh. i just realized now, that it is only tuesday and not wednesday. phew!]

i also feel like i am wasting my free time. i mean i feel really good about spending time yesterday to clean up the apartment, but i also wish i could devote more time to making "art" or trying to work on a new issue of my zine. i put out the last issue just over a year ago and even putting that one out was a hard thing to do. but then i realize that i am 33 years old and feeling like i should do something more than just putting out a zine. it's true that in a zine world where 15 and 16 year olds thrive, i've always been the oldster in the bunch. i've also realized that doing a zine won't make me famous or be the starting point of my very own million-dollar publishing empire. ack! i just need to start something and get it done! doing a zine, starting a cookbook, working on illustrations, painting, image transfers, learning to knit/crochet, doing more felt creatures.....i need to start a project!

(as a side note, the past week i've been doing illustrations like a possessed crazy lady and they turned out wonderfully. i'm pretty proud of them and i felt really good about the entire process. i just hope i can keep it up. it's usually been that i start a project, love the result, finish it and then just put it aside. i never can maintain the momentum. does that make sense?)

sorry for all of this rambling. yesterday i spoke with a friend on the phone for a whole hour -- and i'm usually not so good with phone calls. i like to keep 'em short cuz i'd rather just get on my bike to go for an actual face-to-face meet. but it was good chatting and we've made plans to meet up this afternoon and i'm sure we'll be chatting about 'projects' and 'the future' and 'motivation' and 'finances'. yup, all that good stuff.

okay, now i'm really going to go forward and start my day!! time to get shit done.

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