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July 26, 2003 - 11:11 am

oh hair don't fail me now.

i hate my hair right now. i'm trying to grow out my bangs and it's hard hard hard. every morning i think about taking out my scissors and doing a lil' chop-chop and then i can't even remember why i made this stupid "growin' out my bangs" promise anyway. i don't get it. it's been a few months now and they still don't reach my eyebrows -- i've always kept my bangs super-short-short and now that they are much more than that leaves me confused.

i used the cut my bangs constantly. when i worked at a record store downtown, i'd cut my bangs with the utility scissors when i got bored....i'd just start clipping by staring into my reflection in the cash register window. if i was going to a show, a few snips and suddenly my hair was transformed from just okay to totally much better. i'd always get my hairdresser to cut them so they domed out a la betty page or concaved in or slanted up to my hairline or just plain straight across and tiny. and in between visits and i'd chop all willy-nilly...i didn't care if they were straight or crooked. i just wanted my bangs short.

but now things are different. my hair looks gross coming out from under a bike helmet and it looks gross right after i wash it. i've never had the lovely thick sexy hair of my dreams. volumizing hair products are what i spend my extra cash on. my hair is thin and scrawney and greasy. "fine" it is not. it always seemed to me that bangs were the way to go. that way my hair didn't look so weak and stringy. short bangs kept things looking neat and tidy. one of my old boyfriends in university was a hairdresser and he gave me bangs for the first time since i was four years old...and i never looked back. until now.

i can't remember why i decided to grow them out. i think it had something to do with adulthood and the concept of looking more mature and less rag-tag. i dunno. the plan doesn't seem to hold much water now. and any day now i fear i will finally just give up and reach for my favorite scissors and give it the ol' chop-chop. i don't know if i can hold out for much longer.

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