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March 05, 2003 - 9:40 pm

tonight the boy told me that he thinks we should live together. i don't know how i feel about it. actually, i know how i feel about it and the answer is no. it's not that i don't love him or that i don't want to spend my life with him. not at all. i love him like i've loved no other. he is the only person that i want to spend the rest of my life with. the problem is that after my last major relationship broke up (we were living together at the time -- y'know the one, just flip to the very first entry of this diary!) i decided that i would not live with a boy again. i've had 2 very serious relationships in my life prior to cornelius, and with the other two i never ever considered marriage at all. in fact, i've never wanted to ever get married. i was dead set on living in sin for the rest of my life. but somehow, that all changed when r and i broke up. it seemed to me that something more of a commitment was needed and that living together shouldn't be taken lightly just to save money or rent or whatever.

but know that i'm writing this, i know that cornelius does want to make a strong commitment to me. he does want to spend the rest of his life with me. and he does see moving in together as a serious commitment.

but maybe i'm not ready to give up my own beliefs yet.

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