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January 22, 2003 - 10:45 am

yesterday as i put my brand new shoes on my credit card, i thought to myself, 'what am i doing? can i afford this?'. the answer in all honesty, is a resounding no. of course, i can't afford $100 new shoes when my current monthy income is one third less than my current monthly rent/bills/food outcome. but even when faced with such potentially dangerous and risky financial future, am i worried? actually, for once, no. i feel strangely calm about the whole situation. i think it's because i have a strange new confidence about my abilities and work and i know that someone is eventually going to realize what i can offer and jump on my band-wagon. it's true. i'm not worried.

yesterday after i packed my new shoes at the bottom of my knapsack, i met kyla and saw the matinee showing of 'about schmidt'. i loved it but hated the fucking movie theater. seven dollars for a fucking matinee??? no wonder i always go see my movies at tinseltown with it's five dollar matinee price and lovely stadium bucket seating. grrrrrrr. afterwards, we rode our bikes home in the misty rain and decided to make dinner together before we watched buffy. mmmmm, we made total comfort food: mashed potatoes and meatloaf. kyla threw in her leftover 'pizza' flavoured pringles into the meat mix. delicious! it was a great evening.

prior to meeting kyla and after she left, i worked on a re-design for my portfolio site. yes, i'm redesigning again. and if i must say, it looks pretty fucking spectacular. i worked on a new illustration all morning and it's prettier than sin. i'm hoping to have everything all completed by tonight. cornelius came over after his volunteer shift at the bl!!c and all drunk from drinks from the 'bourbon'. he was all cuddles and silliness and sweet and i fell asleep in his arms.

this morning i received an email for a second interview at the media-bustin' magazine! i'm pretty excited. i'll go in on monday to meet with the editor in chief. whooop!! i also got an email from somebody who wants a site done and will pay. so i've sent off an estimate and i can only hope for the best.

yet, the only thought that comes through my head as it sit here eating leftover meatloaf and mashed potatoes drinking coffee, is that if i had a pack of menthol cigarettes, i could probably pass for somebody's grandma. meatloaf and coffee. i am such a gaytard.

on a side note: last night i took a bath with one of my lovely lush bath bombs. this particular bomb had dried flowers embedded in it. today my bathtub looks like hell. curses dried flowers in my tub. curses!!

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