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December 05, 2002 - 9:22 am

it's hard when i can't come up with the words. all i want to do is listen to the fall loudly and repetitively. and i have been. i haven't been getting enough sleep and i'm still being my own kind of flu-fighing superhero. and i'm working day in and day out at a job -- tho not horrible in any sense -- where i don't want to be. i am working because i have to and i hate it. i know most people work because they have to...but it's nice to at least like your job. it's nice to be happy about your job. i am not feeling those warm fuzzy feelings. i'm just paying my rent and hopefully i'll make enough to have some presents to give at christmas time too. i also am aware that this is a very temporary situation. something more will come soon. i know it. i really do. but it's the waiting that really sucks ass.

i'm patient.

i am.

there are lots of good things too. don't get me wrong. i'm not usually such a complainer. really.

(more lists):

things i feel good about:

+my boy. sleeping with the boy. holding hands with the boy. making dinner with the boy. reading aloud with the boy. talking with the boy. laughing with the boy. yes. i think you get the picture.

+did i tell you how much i love lists? i do!

+i love this lady's new swingingly pretty template.

+ritter sport dark chocolate.

+hamburgers. someone buy me a good hamburger for dinner. please.

+listening to the smiths last night. which i haven't done in years. it felt good as it brought back tons of fond memories, but i realized how dated it all was. and how old i actually was. sigh.

+my hair. boy oh boy. my hair is fucking fantastic! i have never had a haircut that looks so damn good. you just have to see me. man, am i cute.


things i feel uneasy about:


+not having decided on a christmas card to make. i need some inspiration!

+that i still haven't made any presents yet. i have loads of stuff to buy too.


+job. or lack there of.

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