December 05, 2002 - 9:22 am
it's hard when i can't come up with the words. all i want to do is listen to the fall loudly and repetitively. and i have been. i haven't been getting enough sleep and i'm still being my own kind of flu-fighing superhero. and i'm working day in and day out at a job -- tho not horrible in any sense -- where i don't want to be. i am working because i have to and i hate it. i know most people work because they have to...but it's nice to at least like your job. it's nice to be happy about your job. i am not feeling those warm fuzzy feelings. i'm just paying my rent and hopefully i'll make enough to have some presents to give at christmas time too. i also am aware that this is a very temporary situation. something more will come soon. i know it. i really do. but it's the waiting that really sucks ass.
there are lots of good things too. don't get me wrong. i'm not usually such a complainer. really.
things i feel good about:
+my boy. sleeping with the boy. holding hands with the boy. making dinner with the boy. reading aloud with the boy. talking with the boy. laughing with the boy. yes. i think you get the picture.
+did i tell you how much i love lists? i do!
+i love this lady's new swingingly pretty template.
+ritter sport dark chocolate.
+hamburgers. someone buy me a good hamburger for dinner. please.
+listening to the smiths last night. which i haven't done in years. it felt good as it brought back tons of fond memories, but i realized how dated it all was. and how old i actually was. sigh.
+my hair. boy oh boy. my hair is fucking fantastic! i have never had a haircut that looks so damn good. you just have to see me. man, am i cute.
things i feel uneasy about:
+not having decided on a christmas card to make. i need some inspiration!
+that i still haven't made any presents yet. i have loads of stuff to buy too.
+job. or lack there of.