October 08, 2002 - 10:55 pm
well, i'm getting used to my new digs at my parent's home. it feels strange being back here in the city and home where i grew up. nothing seems to have changed yet everything feels different. in the past year, my parent's financial situation went from bad to worse. i didn't know what it would be like when i arrived. my parents never had much money and i remember as a kid rolling pennies and returning empty bottles just to buy milk. it's always been rough, but lately things have gotten worse. but i was surprised that the fridge and cupboards were stocked with all kinds of stuff like cookies and ice cream....stuff we never had growing up. it feels weird, but i'm glad things aren't as bad as i had originally thought.
my parents always make comments about my hair, my weight, my clothes and surprisingly enough, there isn't much of that at all. my mom made some quick comment about how she hated my clothes yesterday and how she hates the fact that i wear my hair in bangs. not bad considering. i also haven't seen too much of the badness that exists between my mom and dad. my mom is very catholic and once mentioned to me that my dad is her "cross in life to bear". yup, that came from the mouth of my mother. their life is far from idyllic, but i think age has mellowed things out somewhat. or maybe, i've only been here for a day and a half and everyone is still on their best behaviour. who knows.
my life here seems like some kind of getaway. i can watch cable television and eat homecooked meals and sleep in the afternoons. i want to take hot baths and do my laundry and eat snacks late at night while watching conan. i don't want to call my old friends who still live here. i just want to hide out and live my life in seclusion until i actually get back on a plane and get back into my real life on thursday. i feel like i'm in limbo and i'm just waiting to get things going again.