August 20, 2002 - 10:00 am
i am feeling absolutely horrible this morning. my stomach is in knots and i can't get motivated to get motivated. last night the p.y.t. called me at 2am to tell me that he is considering getting back with his old girlfriend who is now in europe. she called him and told him that she loves him and wants to try again. i didn't think something like that would bother me, but it did. serves me right for being so selfish and carefree with all my emotions.
bah! boys!! i'm gonna get really selfish and concentrate on me and me alone.
this weekend i finally picked up the slack in the excercise department. after not working out for over a month i got to it this weekend. ow! my cursed thigh muscles were grimacing in pain with every step and slightly inclined bike ride hill. oh sweet, pumping blood, oh lovely mobility, i'll never forsake you for so long again! i'm back on the excercise train! whoo whoo!! this time, i am determined to keep it up. i've got to be selfish about these things!
i received a lovely letter yesterday from cornelius. he is in the tiny town of sawyer's bar, CA and having a relaxing and wonderful sounding adventure. i'm jealous. jealous that he gets to forget about life in vancouver for two whole weeks, while i'm stuck in vancouver trying very much to forget. it's getting very tiresome. i've got to finish with the bl website today and i've got to start on my new art project that has been working itself throughout my brain for sometime now. i've even mentioned my idea to kyla (cuz it's a biggie and kinda community-minded) and she wants to get involved. saying your ideas out loud is the first step in making them happen.
something has got to get moving and it better be me.
i miss cornelius. yesterday i went to his apartment and wrote him letters and lay on his bed for an afternoon nap. i found this mountain goats song online that i had never heard before. it's sweet.
p.s. i just realized that i had forgot to add yesterday's second song to the server. so just head to yesterday's entry and click away. please download them. they are sooo good. all yesterday's songs are available, as is today's. i'm feeling that good.