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July 22, 2002 - 9:39 am

is it too early to wallow in self-pity and dispair? i got up early to look for a job and call the temp agency that i'm ready and willing to work all week. i made the call and i've spent most of my time catching up on diaries and writing this entry. yup, i'm really starting to turn over a new leaf.

last night i answered a 2 am phone call from the p.y.t. he had just got home from the american analogue set show and wanted to tell me that he really missed me and how he liked me a lot. i was so out of it, having barely awoken when i grabbed the phone. i felt like vomiting. i mumbled something back but when the light of day hit me this morning, i realized that i didn't miss him all weekend. and i also realized that adam from portland kept running in and out of my head whiile camping. his email was the first email i checked when i got back home....not the email from the p.y.t. i think i'm sensing a problem here. i do love hanging out with the p.y.t., but those butterflies in my stomach have definitely calmed down. he's cuter than sin and sweet to boot, but he is also 22 and we are at different places in life. i'll just have to see where this goes. i will wait a little longer. i can't make a decision to save my life.

as for adam in portland....why can't he live here? damn. i've never had a long distance relationship or romance like this lady and wouldn't even know how to approach the subject or how to begin. i mean, you need money to make things go on....phone calls i can't afford and bus tickets i couldn't pay for. hmph. we are still in the early stages of email and msn messengering. and why now does my msn decide to no longer connect? huh? has anyone ever experienced this or do i just have to download the entire thing again. grrrr.

okay, time for coffee and yoghurt and an intense and serious job search. for reals, this time. song to download today:ladytron 604 16.

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