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June 22, 2002 - 12:27 pm

i should be outside loving life and making the most out of the day. it's sunny and breezy and beautiful and i feel like shit. last night i got a call from the oliver platt boy at 3:00 am. i haven't really spoken to him in a while and i haven't told him about the p.y.t. it was a very uncomfortable conversation. he just called in stevie wonder-stye to tell me that he loved me. he wondered what went wrong and said that he made all kinds of mistakes and wants to move out of town just so that he doesn't have to see me.

he's got huge HUGE anxiety problems and that was a major reason why i couldn't like him the way that he liked me. he liked me too much and in a way that wasn't (i don't think) based on reality. we never had a real basis for a relationship: he was never very open about his problems and didn't want to face them. for me, at the time, he was just what i needed. i had just gotten over ryan and here was someone who thought i was sexy and intelligent and creative and wanted to spend time with me. i always let him know that i didn't want a boyfriend or a serious relationship but i also knew he felt more seriously about me. it was kinda a mess looking back. but it was a fun mess.

the phone call ended badly. i didn't want to hurt his feelings by telling him that i was in love with someone new, but i also felt he should know. after talking for some time, i told him that i was seeing someone. he got very angry and mean. things did not end well. i don't even know if we can ever be friends. i don't think so. fuck.

so i woke up this morning late, did yoga and drank my coffee black cuz i'm out of cream. things are not looking good for the day. on the upside, cornelius put song #2 on the server, and once again i'm including it for you to enjoy. it's a french song called "j'aime ma vie". i wish i could share the senitment right now. this song will only be available for 24 hours and then will be replaced by the next surprise mp3 that cornelius has up his sleeve. let me know if you are enjoying these little musical bits as much as i am! and if you have a burner, make them into a mixed cd and send me a copy! ha. no, really!

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