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January 26, 2002 - 11:21 a.m.

it is saturday morning and it is sunny and beautiful and there is snow on the ground. it looks absolutely wonderful outside. snow is hard to come by in vancouver and seeing it on the ground in the morning always inspires awe and fond memories for when i lived in ontario where snow+winter=four months.

last night the plan was to go and see the buttless chaps (horrid name. great band) and do e. when we got to the railway club we found out that the buttless chaps had cancelled. we didn't know what to do. there was much deliberating on the steps and a bit of tension. i didn't know if i wanted to do e anymore. randy and patsy were all for it. kyla just wanted to make everyone happy and was getting miserable doing it. so outside of the seven-eleven our fate was decided. snow was falling down in huge flakes and everything felt peaceful. we downed the e with some water and headed back to commercial drive. the plan was that we were gonna walk and play in the snow and be outside. however, we ended up at patsy's and never left.

we danced and sang loudly to aretha franklin and randy's wonderful mixed tapes. patsy lives in a house with three roommates who didn't show up all evening. noise and loud music and dancing boy and girls were not a problem. living in a house would be an amazing thing. one day. just before the e took hold of my body and brain, i had to escape for a bit onto patsy's porch. i had to be alone and breathe the fresh air and watch the snow fall in huge flakes from the sky. when i came back in, i was so high all i could do i dance. i listened to patsy and kyla talk and i thought to myself that they are so high, talking that brand of high-talk that high people talk. i couldn't form words. i just danced. danced until i had to talk and words came flowing out of me and we all talked that high-talk that feels so reassuring and amazing and revealing and open. and i danced the whole time. i couldn't stop. it was amazing and silly and free. singing and dancing and talking with the people i love the most. as the drug wore off, we just sat back and listened to spiritualized (isn't that what high people do anyway?) and we felt so relaxed and comfortable. randy walked me home and i fell into sleep easily.

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