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January 10, 2002 - 5:59 p.m.

achoo. i'm sick. the past few days have been hell. all i want to do is sleep and it's hard to sleep when i'm at school all day trying to pay attention on how to use premiere 6. living alone is also a sick person's nightmare. no one to make you soup. no one to get you juice and gingerale from the corner store. no one to hold the spoon as you take your cough syrup. ah, i'm just whining. i'm sick. whaddya expect?

i also keep getting sweet and lovely emails from the oliver platt boy. yesterday i was greeted with an email that was titled "one hundred reasons why i like you". the attention is pretty nice. i mean, i don't think anyone has listed off one hundred reasons why they like me. i just wish i could list one hundred reasons why i liked the oliver platt boy. the sad thing is that i can't. he is very sweet and fortright with his feelings and i admire that but i just don't feel the same way. i haven't gone out with him again due to my sickness (and partly due to my hesitation) and i still will give it one more chance. i do want him as a friend tho. that i am sure of.

kyla was over this afternoon and i showed her a note that randy had given me oh so many years ago. in the note he declared his love for me and since we have had similar experiences with the lovely and mighty randy we discussed our ambivilance towards those boys who wear their hearts on their sleeves. is it the fact that we do not love these boys back because they are so forthcoming with their feelings? i don't think so. ryan was like that. in the beginning. very sweet and honest and wore his heart proudly on his sleeve. i loved it. i loved being his object of attention and affection. sigh. i just wish i could feel that way about other boys who loved me. and maybe (i hope) i will find someone who can list one hundred reasons why they love me and i can list two hundred reasons why i love them back.

for boys who wear their hearts boldly on their sleeves (cos this is the quote at the end of randy's note):

"if you wait another day...i will wait another day" - palace

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