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December 16, 2001 - 8:31 p.m.

sometimes it's up. sometimes it's down. this weekend was bits of both, but as i sit here with my curry squash soup warming my belly all i can do is smile and swoon to the charlie brown christmas special. lovely.

recap of weekend events.

on friday i found myself in a neighbourhood bar with the usual suspects. lots of pitchers were emptied and a few tears were shed (sadly, they were mostly my own). doubly thankful we were hidden in a corner booth. after we were ungracefully kicked out past last call, we headed over to my apartment and listened to rubber soul til we all felt sleepy. it was a good evening and i must remember what kyla told me about possiblities. this is a time of many, many possibilities and i must believe that she is right.

saturday started with a burger breakfast and then kyla and i left the eastside to shop in the westside. it was loads of fun as we spent hours in stores we could never afford to shop in. we smelled all the yummy creams and candles in caban and restoration hardware and tasted all the yummier samples in meinhard's fine foods. we stopped off for hot chocolate served in deep bowls and bitched about the torental rains that seemed to follow us everywhere. later in the evening, we gathered at my house to watch an old frank capra movie and it made all of us so happy and i'm sure that we all thought about future possibilities. the only down bit of the day happened when ryan emailed me with an angry bit of information and then i fumed further when i found out that ryan had a $24 late charge on my video card!! grrrrrrr.

today kyla and i ventured out to vancouver's infamous "kiddie stroll" to shop at the wonderful gourmet food warehouse, where we bought loads of foodstuffs for dirt cheap prices (especially when compared to meinhard's). hooray for the eastside!! later, ryan came by to repay me for the late charge (grrrrrr) and he hung around and we chatted for a bit. i played him the new mercury rev and he played me the new gorky's zygotic mynci (which is very beautiful). and in the pink glow of my christmas tree i started to think about how i really feel about this boy who i have known for over 5 years now. and i think the best thing to do about ryan is to cut him off and let him know that i'm cutting him off. i hate being on a swing: one day i hate him and one day i love him. i need to take control of things. i need to start getting better. i am getting better.

my song for today is: "quinn the eskimo" by bob dylan.

if i had peanut butter in the cupboard, i would eat this for breakfast:

1/2 c. peanut butter

1/2 c. brown sugar

1/2 tsp. cinnamon, plus extra for sprinkling

1/4 tsp. salt

2 tbsp milk

4-6 slices of bread

4 tsp. butter

preheat oven to 400. mix pb, sugar, cinnamon, salt & milk.

butter bread and place directly on oven rack (not a cookie sheet) for 3-4 min until butter is melted & bread is starting to toast.

remove from oven and spread a thick layer of peanut topping on each slice. sprinkle with cinnamon. return to oven for 2-4 min or until peanut topping is bubbly. yum.

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