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December 03, 2001 - 10:09 p.m.

i've just spent the past 14 hours at school and i am t-i-r-e-d. phew. thankfully, i whipped up some mashed potatoes, made a pot of tea and relaxed instantly.

i've been thinking a lot about appearances lately. now that i'm getting older i've noticed a few changes in myself. my breasts (which are large to begin with) have started to feel the pull of gravity. the larger they are, the harder they fall i guess. i've also noticed wrinkles on my forehead but thankfully my bangs cover up nicely. and don't even get me started on the rest. yikes! i also would have to report that this self-scruiteny is due in part to being suddenly single, as my looks seem to matter more. i've always thought of myself as a strong, cute girlie but without having the daily affirmations ("you look so cute today") from a loved one, i start to waver at bit. sometimes it's not enough being the only girl in the mirror telling me how cute i am today.

on another appearance related item: 2 beautiful girls that i know (the type that all the boys love instantly) are having a hard time with life. i always used to believe that if i only i were beautiful my problems and complaints would be greatly reduced. ha. one of these beautiful girls has announced she is pregnant along with a case of VD and is perhaps, she claims, an alcoholic. the other girl just had an abortion, sleeps with strangers on a regular basis and does too much crystal meth. my problems seem so small in comparison. hugs go out to all.

today's soundtrack:

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