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November 14, 2001 - 5:03 p.m.

another day goes by and i try to hold back the tears.

today i left school early as our afternoon lab was cancelled and i knew coming back home on the drive would be a trecherous ordeal. you see, today is wednesday and this is the day when ryan and sara have off and i could feel their presence as soon as i stepped off the skytrain. as i walked down commercial drive i saw ryan. sara. they had just finished crossing to the other side of the street up ahead of me. i paused behind an SUV and took a deep breath. i kept walking. head held high. keep breathing. keep breathing was my mantra. i'm sure they saw me. they may have even crossed the street to avoid me (ryan is good at preventing feelings getting hurt -- either mine or sara's). it was hard. i kept expecting ryan to shout out my name or wave. nothing happened. i just kept walking. as soon as i crossed 1st avenue my eyes quickly filled up with tears and i kept biting my lip to keep my mind distracted. i even heard myself say aloud: stop it! sadly, my tears have a mind of their own. i let them fall. who would notice a crying girl in the pouring rain anyway?

the horrible thing is that sara is looking to move from the west end to commercial drive to be closer to ryan. ack! that would be unbearable! this neighbourhood ain't big enough for the both of us. i can't imagine running into her at the market or at the gym or on the street 7 days a week! one day a week is bad enough, but seven??

unhappiness should be treason. how much can one girl carry on her back?

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