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November 12, 2001 - 3:44 p.m.

hahaha. and i thought things were going so well. don't count your chickens before they are hatched. *sigh*

i don't know if it's the rain or the fact that i've spent tons of cash thrift shopping or that my hotmail account is temporarily closed and i can't read/write any email, but i feel pretty lousy. unmotivated. sad. i keep thinking about ryan and why he doesn't call me. i was almost tempted to call him today and ask him to a movie, but thought better of it and called meesoo instead. of course ryan will choose to see a movie with his new girlfriend than one with me. ack. ryan was the one who kept insisting that we be friends and i was the one who wasn't so sure. and here i am, wondering why he doesn't want to spend time with me or call me or hell, even think about me. fuck. this is so stupid. i saw colin (ryan's best friend) today while i was eating breakfast at bon's and i think it made me think of ryan all over again. colin was with his new girlfriend and it just made me crazy that some boys can just hop from girl to girl without any sort of mourning time whatsoever! don't they have any feelings? love is so frustrating.

the rest of my weekend was okay. friday night was fun and even included some unexpected mushrooms that patsy had brought along. wheeeee!! saturday and sunday were spent at school working on my flash banner ad and greeting card. it felt very productive. saturday night i met up with kyla and randy to see patsy sing at the railway. wow. patsy sure can belt out a song! and sexy as all hell, too. sunday evening was the first time i felt bored and lonely in my new apartment. my eyelids were heavy before the naked chef had finished his peach pudding and i quickly fell asleep with dreams of being chased.

aaahhh, the start of another week. so much to look forward too! haha.

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