January 01, 2011 - 12:47 pm
'Twas a shitty year in most respects I guess. Having your mom die, even though she held on longer than you thought she would, still makes the rest of the year really sucky. A few weeks ago I was on the bus and started crying because I was overhearing a couple talk about "Senior's Day" at the Bay (the huge department store here in Canada). Somehow it made me think of my mom and how we'll never eat soup at the Bay cafeteria again or get her "senior's day" Bay discount. Sometimes things just creep up on you even when you think it's all "been there, done that". But I can't blame my mom's death on most of the year's hardships. I just couldn't get things going and that really sucked too. I suffered from depression which is something I've never really felt before and it made life so much harder. It was a year where I could have turned things around - I was approached by agents and publishers but I dropped the ball. When I told them my blog numbers (ie. how many hits I had), it seemed like they were disappointed, it wasn't enough and I just felt defeated. It's stupid and silly and I've got to just tell my negative thoughts to just shut the fuck up sometimes.
But this year I'm taking hold of the reigns and putting one foot in front of the other. I'm going to really put myself out there and get to all those things I let slip this past year. If I fail, I fail - I just need to try and do and make things happen again. I'm ready 2011 and I've got my goals written down for once. I'm ready and willing and will take the leap.